How top salespeople control conversations without being pushy

What separates top salespeople from everyone else isn’t how hard they push—it’s how well they guide.

In this episode, we break down how elite sellers stay in control of conversations without ever coming across as aggressive or pushy. You’ll learn how to set clear agendas, ask smarter questions, handle tangents smoothly, and keep deals moving forward with confidence and clarity.

If you’ve ever felt like your conversations drift, stall, or end without a clear next step, this episode will give you a practical framework to lead naturally—while still building trust and rapport.

Control isn’t about pressure. It’s about structure. And when you get it right, selling feels a whole lot easier.

Welcome to the podcast!

Transcript

How Good Deals Start Drifting

Structure Beats Dominance

Set An Agenda Early

Ask Questions That Guide Thinking

Redirect Tangents With Respect

The Gentle Push

Define The Next Step

Use Silence To Project Confidence

Control As Clarity And Leadership

Like Subscribe And Closing

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hello again and welcome back to the podcast. My name is Graeme Elliott from Salescraft Training, and today we're going to be diving into a skill that separates average salespeople from top performance. And it isn't what most people think it is. So this is not about having the perfect pitch, it's not about closing techniques, and it's definitely not about being the loudest or the most persuasive person in the room. What we're talking about is control and how you exercise that control. So it's not the kind of control that feels aggressive or manipulative. What we're talking about is how top salespeople guide the conversations naturally. They never come across as pushy. And the reason that this is so important is if you're not controlling the conversation, then the conversation controls you. And obviously, as salespeople, it's really important that we are in control of the whole process, especially when it doesn't look like we are in control from the outside, and particularly from the client's perspective. We need to be running the whole sales process from beginning to end. So why this is important is that when you lose control of the conversation, that's when deals stall, prospects disappear. Basically, everything starts to feel much harder than it should do. So, what we're going to do in this episode is break down exactly how top salespeople stay in control, and that's from the very first minute of the conversation right through to the final decision. And all the time, this still still feels relaxed, it's respectful, and top salespeople are easy to talk to. You want to get into a position where the client wants to buy from you. That's the ideal position to be as a salesperson, and this is one of the ways of getting there. So before we dive into that, let's just start with something that's really important because most salespeople don't want to be pushy. And if you're new to sales, or I mean, most of us I would suggest have had the experience of dealing with a pushy salesperson. So most salespeople don't want to be pushy, but you can end up sounding pushy simply because you're reacting instead of leading. So the examples of this are where a prospect might say, just send me some information, and the salesperson says, Sure, no problem. I mean that feels polite, it feels easy. But what actually just happened in that interaction between the two of them? Well, the salesperson has just given up control. So think about what you now do in that situation. And look, we've all done it as well, I'm pretty sure. So, first of all, the timeline is unclear, the next step is vague, there's no follow-up. And what's happened to the deal? It's just drifting. So the pushiness will tend to show up later, and that's when the salesperson is now trying to recover control. So, and often this is down to lack of experience, it also might be feeling a little bit vulnerable. All these factors contribute, but what it comes down to is the follow-up is too aggressive, they start pushing for decisions too quickly, and this is something that I've spoken about a lot in these podcasts. And if you look at my course on the website, Consultative Selling, I definitely go through a whole process of managing a deal and bringing it to a close that is um not pushy at all. It's very, very natural. So, where you go for the decision is actually actually quite critical, and it's really important to know when to go for a decision and when not to. And the pushiness comes up when salespeople are trying to force momentum that was never established in the first place. And this is why, if you've listened to the last um or over the last few podcasts, one of the things I've been talking about and emphasizing a lot is the whole discovery process because this is where you set the framework for how you're going to move that deal along. It also allows you to set priorities. Is this a deal you need to jump on straight away, or is this one that you can just put back as a lower priority and follow up with less urgency, put it that way. So the way that you avoid getting into that situation and becoming pushy against everything maybe that you are trying to present as a salesperson, the way to avoid that is to never lose control in the first place, and that's why this is so important. So, how do we take control? How do we get on top of what's going on? So, a really important thing to understand here is that controlling a conversation is not about dominating it, it is about structure, which is what I've obviously just been talking about. So, what top performers do, they don't talk more but they guide more. Now, the way I like to think of this, and I will emphasize that I'm not a fisherman, so for anybody listening who is, um, I apologize in advance. But the way I like to think of this is if you're fishing and you're in a river or sea wherever you are, and you've got a big fish on the line, what do you do? Are you trying to haul it in straight away? And it's putting up a fight, as it would. Are you trying to haul it in straight away, or do you give it some line, let it swim about a bit, and then gently start pulling it back in again, maybe let it go more line, swim around a bit, and then you pull it in again. That's the process, and I use that as an analogy for a sales conversation because in that situation the fisherman still has control, but the fish also is able to swim around a bit. And while I'm not suggesting you hook up your clients, um do let the give them space to talk, and it's really, really important that you listen. I mean, this is another thing that I can't emphasize enough, that you listen to what clients are saying and you're not sat there waiting to speak, which is a distinction, but it's an important one. But this is the way I like to think of it, and this is how you control the conversation subtly, you just make sure that once the client has said had their piece, said their piece, whatever it is they want to talk to you about, you then bring the conversation slowly gently back to where you need it to be so that you can move forward. So this is really important. So another way of thinking of it, I guess, is like being um a host at a dinner party, you're not forcing anyone to do anything, but you're guiding the flow of the conversation, so you and and in fact, what's going on, so you decide when it's time to sit down, when it's time to eat, um, when it's time to move to dessert, all that kind of thing. So people feel comfortable because someone is clearly in charge, and sales works the same way because remember, depending on what it is you're selling, these people have come to you because you know more about your speciality in most cases than they than they do, and you are that expert that they are now relying on to solve their problem. So they want to feel like you're in charge and they want to feel like you're listening to them, and if you and this is why these things are so important. So the key thing here is to make sure that you stay in control, but you do it in a way that's I guess gently authoritative is a good way of thinking about it. So, what what's an important thing to do? Well, I think setting an agenda is really important to get that early, and this is part of the discovery process, but it it does no harm at all to bring it into meetings and just recheck that it it makes sense or that kind of thing. So, top salespeople, you're taking control in the first two minutes, and it isn't by pitching that's so important because I've seen so many salespeople they start pitching straight away, and the reason they do it is that there's comfort there, they feel safe. Uh, and obviously, salespeople are people too. And as salespeople, we all have our own concerns, our own uh vulnerabilities. We might be worried that we're going to get asked a question we don't know the answer to. Uh, you know, there's all these things go on, so there's nothing wrong with that, that's perfectly natural, and this is why I believe a lot of salespeople just go straight in and pitch. It's almost like they don't want the client to speak because they might say something that will catch them out or that they'll be uncomfortable with. So it's really important to get over that one and have a conversation. So, how this might start is with the salesperson saying just something like, Hey, before we dive in, let me uh quickly suggest how we use our time, and then you can tell me if that works for you. Simple sentence like that, but what does it do? It signals leadership, it shows respect, and it gives the prospect a sense of safety. And then what where you continue from that is uh by using a sentence something like this. I'd love to understand what you're trying to solve. Please share a little bit about how we uh approach it, and if it makes sense, we can talk about next next steps. Does that sound fair? Obviously, rephrase that to suit what you're doing, but it's really important to notice what's happening here, and whatever you use needs to do this. So they're not asking for permission to sell. I mean, the fact the very fact that you're there basically gives you permission to sell. I mean, that that's the whole point of the meeting. But what what they're doing is sending a roadmap, and the really important thing here is defining what will be the next steps. So this is control and it's done without pressure. The next aspect of this is asking better questions, which I've spoken about before in other podcasts. If you've been listening for a while, you would have heard this. But asking really good questions is another very, very important aspect of being an effective salesperson, and it's one of those things that is well worth just sitting down for an hour, finding a spot on your own, and just starting to go through what are the sales, what are the questions you need to be asking and how well is what you're currently asking working for you. And then once you've asked those questions, you own the direction that that conversation then takes. So what I've found is that average salespeople tend to ask question questions randomly, whereas top salespeople ask questions strategically, and there's a very distinct order they will tend to run through. So they're not just gathering information, obviously, that's really important, but they're actually guiding the thinking of the client. So, for example, instead of asking what are you looking for, they'll ask a question like, What's changed recently that made this a priority? So, this should sound familiar if you've listened to my uh podcast before. What does this do though? Two things it incit uncovers urgency, which is absolutely vital because you need to know how urgent this is, and it shifts the conversation towards why now. And remember, these people are generally very busy. People don't want to be talking to salespeople, that's the bottom line. Um, again, if they're familiar with pushy salespeople, they're really waiting for the salesperson to try and rip them off. I mean, that's what it comes down to. So the very fact that you're there means that yes, you've got permission to sell, that's the whole point, but clearly something has happened on their side that has pushed them through that pain point of having you in to actually having you in. So they'll resist having you in until really there's no option, and then they'll get the salesperson in. So, in another um alternative, I guess, for you is again an average person will ask what's your budget? And what that's not a great question, really. There's much better ways of approaching this. So you can use phrases like how you how are you currently thinking about investing in solving this. So the difference is that it's about feeling collaborative, it's about working with the client, it's about sitting on the same side of the table with them, figuring it out, rather than one being on one side and one being on the other, which is a lot more kind of adversarial, if you like. So, what we're doing is we're trying to build a collaboration. Um, and you're consulting the consultative salesperson. There's a deliberate reason for that title, and the control in this situation comes from asking questions that move the conversation forward. So they're not just filling in time, but they're moving the conversation forward on both sides. The next thing is to really be able to handle tangents without being abrupt. So, this is another area where many people struggle. So, what happens when the prospect goes off track? They start talking about unrelated problems, or they go into long stories, or they derail the conversation. So, again, what a lot of average salespeople will tend to do is let it happen, and in doing that, you lose control, or they will awkwardly cut them off, and that can damage the whole rapport, it can damage the whole relationship. So, what the thing to do here, what top performance will do, is that they will acknowledge what the client has just said and then redirect the conversation. So, for example, you can use um the a phrase like like this. Um, that's really that's really helpful context. Um, if it's okay, I want to bring us back to something you mentioned earlier about whatever the key issue was, because that seems important. And that's it. So there's no friction, there's no awkwardness, it's just a smooth return to the objective. You've acknowledged them and then you've gently guided them back, but you've done it in a very respectful way. So this is about exercising control in a very flexible way and being able to respond to whatever the situation is that's going on. Now, one of the most powerful tools that you can use is something that I'll refer to as the gentle push. And what I mean by that is it's not aggressive, it's not forceful, but it does move things forward. So it can be, for example, if a prospect says, I need to think about it, a pushy person can come back with something like, Well, what's holding you back? And a passive response, on the other hand, would be, sure, take your time. Neither of which are particularly helpful. The controlled response, ideally, what you want to be shooting for is somewhere in the middle, and it's something along the lines of saying, Well, that's that's totally fair. Uh, when you say you want to think about it, what specifically are you weighing up? Now it's still being respectful, but you're not letting the conversation stall, you're keeping the momentum alive, and you're also just making sure there are no hidden objections in there. And if you've listened to other podcasts about objections, you know that they're not necessarily a no, but generally you'll get um objections coming in because something isn't clear to the client and they they've got a reservation, so it's really important that you understand them. The next thing is to always define the next step. So this this is really important, this is where it's very easy to blow a deal. So a top salesperson will never end a conversation a conversation without a clear next step. It's not a and I'll follow up or let me know or any of that kind of stuff. It is specific. So again, you can use phrases like based on what we've discussed. It probably makes sense to bring in your bring in your operations uh lead person. How about we schedule 20 minutes early next week to just walk through this together? So, again, what are the key things about this? However, you want to put that kind of a sentence together, it needs to be collaborative, it needs to be logical, and it needs to be specific. So, in other words, there's a specific time, there's a specific purpose and a specific outcome, and there's a clear reason for doing it. And this is all control, so you're keeping it pinned down, you're keeping it on the rails, but and you're doing it in a very collaborative way. Now, something um subtle here but important, and that's silence. So it's something I've spoken about before. A lot of salespeople are really uncomfortable with silence and they'll start filling it. And one of the most important things to learn when you're in sales is to be comfortable with silence, so don't rush to fill every gap, don't overexplain, don't chase approval. The reason that you let that space be there is that you're not trying to convince the client. What you're trying to do is to understand and guide them, and that again is another important differentiation between what a bad uh an average or a bad salesperson will do and what a top salesperson will do. And the reason that you're able to step back and let that space be there is basically a statement of confidence, and if you're confident, that also projects authority, and authority when you do it right, never feels pushy, it actually feels very reassuring, as I've spoken about before. And then finally, if controlling conversations feels uncomfortable, that will usually be because how it's being framed. So control isn't about getting your way, it's about helping the other person to make a good decision. So, what happens with without structure? People hesitate, they'll start overthinking, they'll delay, and your role as a salesperson is to make this process easier, it's to create clarity, it's to remove friction, it's to guide them on the path forward, and it's not being pushy, it's adding value to them. So I've covered um several points here. So I just just to summarize the key things that hopefully you can take away from this. What we're talking about here is how top people control conversations and the way they control conversations without being pushy. So, key points to come away with here is first of all have a clear agenda and have that clear agenda set up early. Ask questions that guide thinking and help your understanding. So be genuinely curious, redirect conversations smoothly, so acknowledge when somebody starts veering off on a tangent or changes subject or whatever, but then bring them back to where you need them to be. Use gentle pushes instead of pressure, and always define the next step. When you go through meetings that way, when you approach sales this way, it allows you to stay calm, you can stay confident, and you just maintain that structure throughout. And that's in many ways, it's much easier to sell that way because you know where you are. If you've got a clear structure and you're able to guide clients through that structure, you know exactly where you are, you know where the potential problem points are, and you can do what you need to do to remove them and just keep the whole process moving forward. So it's not about saying more, it's about leading better, it's about leadership. And in fact, um the next couple of podcasts, I'm going to focus more on leadership, and there's going to be more coming up on leadership over the next couple of months with um just a program of podcasts. So, to close this episode, if there's one thing you take from this episode, just remember that control isn't something that you take into a conversation, it's something that you create. And the way you create it is through clarity, through structure, and through intention. And when you do it right, the other person doesn't feel pushed, they don't feel controlled, they feel guided, and that's what they're looking for. That's what really good selling looks like. So that's it from me. I hope you found that useful. Please remember to like and subscribe. Um yeah, please do that. It helps me to continue doing these, and um, I'll speak to you in the next episode when we're going to talk more about leadership. Okay, bye for now.