How to read and use body-language in face-to-face sales

We unpack how to read buying signals, spot the silent no, and adjust your approach in real time to save deals. We share practical cues, common mistakes, and simple resets that build trust without pressure.

• listening beyond words to tone and posture
• matching and mirroring as alignment signals
• positive cues like leaning in and nodding
• red flags including exit orientation and tension
• clusters of cues as a decision trigger
• managing your own posture, voice, and pace
• using pauses to think and reduce pressure
• resetting a drifting meeting with respectful questions
• when to reschedule to protect trust and outcomes

Please remember to like and subscribe, tell all your friends, do have a look at the course.

Welcome to the podcast!

Chapters

• 0:13 Why Body Language Matters
• 1:35 Beyond Words: Listen With Your Body
• 4:10 Matching And Mirroring Basics
• 5:31 Positive Buying Signals To Notice
• 7:35 Red Flags And The Silent No
• 10:50 Manage Your Own Body Language
• 13:42 Using Pauses To Regain Control
• 17:04 What To Do When You’re Losing Them
• 19:48 Recap And Next Steps

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:07

Hello and welcome to another podcast. This is Graham Elliott, and in this podcast, I'm going to be taking you through a little bit more on body language. So it's something that I have spoken about before, but I think understanding body language is very helpful because the more of these little things that you get in the habit of noticing, the more you begin to realize whether things are going well or not going well. And with I I think we've all had that experience where we've walked away from a meeting and felt that it had gone really well. And um it's only much later we realize that it actually didn't. And um, it may be that the customer won't talk to us again or they do reject us or whatever else is going on. So the key thing though, and the most important thing to take from this, particularly if you've had this experience, is to learn, excuse me, learn how to recognize when things are going wrong as they're going wrong. So there are some telltale signs that we can uh look for, and that's what I'm gonna be talking about in this podcast. So the very first thing I want to talk about is just to look at um the kind of mistakes that we make, first of all. So let's start with where we're dropping the ball in these meetings. Now this is the misconception, and and that is that only focusing on what the customer says is the important thing. Now, I've definitely underlined that as being really important, and it is. Uh, it's so important that we do really listen, and in fact, use active listening, which is something that um I should perhaps talk about in another podcast, but we need to be actively listening to what the client is saying, and briefly that means really focused and not having our own mind wander off, or they'll say one thing and it triggers an idea in us, and at that moment we've stopped listening. So it's really, really important that we are listening. However, it's not just about what the client says, but it's how they say it. So it is important to take in all the signs. And when I was working with my own sales teams, a phrase I would use is to listen with your body. And what I mean by that is not only are we listening with our ears and our brain, we're focusing on what the client is saying, but we're kind of also picking up on any emotional cues that might be there. So sometimes somebody will say something, and and I'm pretty sure you will have experienced this in one context or another, where somebody says something to you, like maybe they agree to do something, or it might be something else, and you just know that that isn't going to happen. You just pick up, there's a vibe there which says no, that this isn't this isn't genuine. There's something else going on here, or no, that they're saying it, but they're not going to do it. And this is what I mean by listening with our bodies. So when we're face-to-face with people, particularly, uh, you can do it on the phone when you're listening, and and perhaps on video calls. You if you listen to how things are said, you get a vibe whether or not that's genuine. I always like face-to-face because those signals are much clearer in a face-to-face situation, but they're definitely there. So, this is one of the things I really want you to take away from this podcast that focusing only on what the customer says is a mistake, and you also need to be listening to how they're saying it. And another misconception that some people have is to just ignore body language or mismatched body language. And what I mean by that is, and again, this is something you may have experienced it, you may have noticed it. If you haven't, just try and remember it when you're having a conversation with somebody, maybe a friend or your partner, somebody like that, where it's not a sales situation, but take this out of the sales context and look at your body language. What are you doing? Are you um looking at one another? Are you tending to lean towards one another? Are you mirroring each other's actions that might be holding something or something like that? But just start looking, be conscious of your own body language, as in what you're doing with your body, how you're holding yourself, how you're moving, and look at the other person. Because, and this kind of goes into NLP, NLP uses this a lot. It's called matching and mirroring when you're doing it deliberately. But what you're doing is when you are really in tune with someone, when you're aligned with someone, you tend to mirror each other's body language. So when you know that, if you become aware of your body language and your client's body language, when you see that you're not matching one another, that is definitely a sign that things are not going well. They are not aligned with you in the context of the meeting. So let's look at some first of all positive buying signs. And I've spoken about these before in another podcast, but I'll run through them again because this stuff is really important. Once you start to learn it, uh is really, really valuable that will save you a lot of um missed opportunities. So look for some small observable cues. So the first one is if they are leaning in or orientating their torso towards you, that is a really positive sign. It shows they're interested, they want more, so they'll lean in towards you. Nodding and mirroring your movements again is a sign that they are with you, that they're aligned with you, you're on the same page, you're heading the same way, they're definitely interested. Um, another sign is just holding any material that you might have given them much longer than is necessary. It's almost like they don't want to let it go. They're feeling subconsciously there is a solution or an outcome there that they want, and they will tend to hold on to it for longer. And I don't mean sort of really study them and glare at them, but just be aware of these things. And then the other one to be aware of is just genuine micro expressions. What I mean by that is small smiles, raised eyebrow, raised eyebrows. You know those small expressions that we do, and they they tend to be almost subconscious, they're not things often that we're thinking of doing, they just sort of happen because we are um in agreement with somebody, and so these are the small signs just to look out for. And there's a general statement to bear in mind, or a simple rule that you can use, and that is if the body is moving towards you, the mind usually is two, and that's a really useful one. So if the body is moving towards you, the mind usually is two. So where you've got that kind of coming to where you've got that coming together movement, it's a really positive sign. So having looked at those, we also have the red flags. So these are the silent no's that are starting to come through, and these are the ones to also be aware of. I mean, it's great to look at the positive ones, they're good to know because it helps us with an easy close and things like that, because we're at that point getting pretty confident this person is going for it. So all that stress that gets associated with closing the deal starts to diminish. However, where we get the red flags, that's where we need to actually stop, and I'll come back to how we deal with those in a moment. So, red flag number one, their feet or their torso is aligned towards the exit. So the that will probably be away from you, but be aware of where the exits are. If they are pointing their body or their means of getting to the exits of their feet, um subconsciously they're basically saying, I want out of here, I just want to go. So that is definitely a red flag to be aware of. Another one is crossed arms paired with tight shoulders, so that's um demonstrating uh a very defensive posture, maybe a threatened posture, so that they might be feeling threatened. Binding remember now in the course that I do consultative selling, so please have a look at it if you haven't. But one of the things we go through is that there is body language, there's also a lot more on personality types, and there are some personality types that are very, very conflict averse. So if they feel that saying no to you or even asking a question may result in some sort of conflict, no matter how low-key, they will avoid that as much as possible. And what they will do to avoid that is just to agree with you. So the way that you can maybe get an indication that this is what's going on is by looking at their body language, because as I've said, this is subconscious. For most people, they're not aware of what they're doing, they'll just adopt that pose. So if you see someone who's got arms and legs crossed, everything's crossed, and there's also an element of tension to how they're holding themselves. That's um a very defensive, threatened posture. So be very, very aware of that because you need to deal with that. Otherwise, because that's a very clear sign that that person is very likely to say yes to you, say all the things they think you want to hear, and the moment you've gone, that's it, you'll never get to them again. Okay, the third uh red flag is rapid blinking or forced micro smiles. So I was talking about these little micro smiles, the involuntary ones that are genuine being a positive sign. And this comes back to this listening with your body. You get a vibe when you see somebody smile, but they're not, if you know what I mean. Sometimes it's in the eyes that they're not smiling, because we when we smile, it tends to be the whole face. However, with a micro smile, by definition, it probably isn't using all of our facial muscles. So if they're smiling, is that genuine? Um, are you getting that they are genuinely smiling? Because if you're not getting that, just trust that and and treat it as uh a potential issue that you uh are going to have to deal with. And then the final one is it's actually pretty obvious, repeatedly glancing at their phone or their watch. Now, look, there might be situations where we do that, they may have something going on with their family or something else going on, and they're very, very aware of the time. Um, but clearly in that situation, they're distracted. And this is also a bad time to try and have a conversation. This is another one you need to deal with. So the rule around the red flags is that one cue doesn't necessarily equate to a no, but when you start getting a number of these cues, clustered cues, that's when you've really got to start to pay attention because that one in isolation isn't necessarily an issue, but when you start getting more than one, this is where you definitely need to pay attention. It means that what you're doing at that point is not going to work, you are losing the deal. So you've basically got to stop. So, um, now before I go into what you do, I'm going to talk about your own body language because this also is something you need to be aware of. Because just as I've suggested to you that you listen with your body to what your client is doing, they will subconsciously be doing the same to you. I mean, they might be doing it consciously if they know this stuff, but if they don't, they'll definitely be doing it subconsciously. So you also need to be making sure that you're not putting out the wrong vibe when you're going through your um solution. Because if you put yourself in their shoes, and what's coming, you know, you're you're saying all the right words, and they've got a nice brochure and all this other stuff, but what they're getting from you is you're not convinced, there's some reservation, some doubt. What is the buyer likely to do in that situation? They're probably not going to go with you because they don't know why they're picking up this vibe, they're just aware they're getting it. Something is not right, so they're not going to take the risk, they're going to play safe, go with somebody else. So this also is important. And when we tend to do it as salespeople is when we are not generally the first cause is likely to be that we're not that confident in our product knowledge. We're very aware that there are questions that we can be asked that we don't know the answer to, and we could get into situations that we're not sure how to handle. All that sort of stuff goes on. Now, I've in other podcasts I've spoken about that in the course, I go into that in detail again about how you handle all of that stuff and how you can remove that, which is absolutely important. But if you do find that you're doing that, it's really important that you start working on not doing it because that will be tripping you up. You're going to be your own worst enemy in that situation. So, just some tips for you. The first one is to have a very open posture. Make sure your arms aren't crossed, they're open. Uh, the more open your body is, I mean, let's not go crazy here, but certainly open um in the way you posture with your your upper body, your arms are open. It's non-defensive, it's very open. You're inviting that person to come in. It's it's inviting trust. Secondly, with your voice, keep it calm and steady. Um, no really stressful high-pitch voice, if you can avoid it. And also with your gestures, be very controlled. Uh, you really want to not be doing a lot of rushing. The more rushed you appear, that's again subconsciously suggesting that something is wrong. So slow it down, and we'll we'll talk about that more in a moment. Um, keep your feet planted, that will project confidence. Uh, if you are familiar with confidence style power stances, now you don't want to be there like Superman, um, you don't want to dominate, but what you do want to do is just demonstrate a quiet level of confidence. So remember, what the client is looking for is somebody to solve their problem, and they need to be able to trust you to do that. If you come across as confident without being dominant, because dominant is a different situation altogether, and that creates its own problems. But if you come across as quietly confident, they're much like much much more likely to have trust in you. And one of the ways we do that is not to be rushed. I mean, don't slow it right down, but don't be rushed, be measured, be thoughtful, but look like you're in control all the time. That's really important. And use pauses. One of the ways of handling pressure, and this again is particularly important, I think, if you are somebody who's either new to sales or you're not confident about your product, and you you tend to get in situations where you stress when you're with clients, then use pauses to slow things down. Now you can pause, and you don't have to be doing anything, you could even be quietly counting to four or five, whatever it might be. But for somebody talking to you, that's going to come across as you being thoughtful, thinking through what they've just said, and coming back with a response that is appropriate and helpful to them. So if you are somebody who tends to be a little bit stressed, a little bit rushed, a thing to start practicing with is to use pauses just to slow things down. And in slowing things down, it actually reduces the pressure on you as well because you do buy yourself thinking time. So you don't have to um answer straight away. Okay, so that's given you some positive signs, some red flags, how to be aware of your body language and how to implement certain things that you can you can do to make uh things much easier for you. So, what do you do if things are going wrong? So the key thing is to acknowledge the situation. Now, let's just take the one with somebody who is looking at their watch, and I've had this. Um, I've had this myself. I remember going in to see a client with one of my salespeople, and the person so we'd had a meeting arranged, that was all good, and we turned up on time and we were ready for the meeting. But this particular client was quite clearly stressed out about something, something was going on in their um in their business, and he he was honoring the meeting with us, and we'd sat down together to have the chat, but clearly there was something else going on, and what I did in that moment was to basically stop the mo stop the meeting, and I just said to him, Look, um, I might be wrong here, but it looks like this isn't the ideal time for you to have this meeting. How how do you feel if we just reschedule it to another time? And he jumped on that because it really was a bad time. And there's a couple of reasons for doing this. One is that, first of all, you're getting yourself out of a situation where it's highly unlikely you're going to make a sale because put yourself in their shoes. If you're really stressed and worried about something, you're really not in the mood to make decisions that could be quite significant for yourself personally or for your business. You're not in the right state of mind to do that. And from a sales perspective, I've built trust, I've demonstrated that I'm respecting that person and their time and their situation. And it means that when we went back, I didn't actually go back, my sales um person went back, but they had a much more positive meeting, and certainly far more positive than we would we would have had. I'm trying to say that. Um far more positive than we would have had on that occasion, but also by demonstrating that respect to the client, you you their respect for you goes up as well. So they're much you increase the chances that they will buy from you, um, all other things being equal. Um, another thing might be if that isn't quite the situation, but you're clearly feeling that you're losing them. Uh, it could be I'm sensing that I might be going too fast, should we slow down for a moment? Or something along those lines. Or I'm sensing that we're not quite where we need to be here. Is there something I've missed? Is there uh is is what I'm talking about appropriate? You're gonna have to explore this, you're gonna have to come up with your own phrases because you know your business, you know the kind of situations, but look back on meetings that you've had where it did all go wrong, where you uh on the sort of first pass you found it had gone wrong, uh sorry, it had gone right. But when you start looking at it more deeply, particularly looking at these buying signs or these red flags that I just mentioned, were any of those red flags present? And more importantly, were there multiples of them? And if that was the case, what could you have done different to just bring the whole thing back on track? Now, always remember it could well be that you can't save that particular deal. We we're not likely to win everything, so we'll have a conversion rate, and we have those for a good reason, and that is because uh there are very few people who are able to close every deal. Um, mafia might be one of them, but you know what I mean. It's it's really hard. So we've got a conversion rate, and we obviously want to get that as good as we can, and one of the ways we do that is to start working on the more subtle aspects of meeting management, client management, so that where possible we catch things as they're going wrong, and we turn them back to a position where we can close them. Some cases you can't uh get to that point, that's just life, but you do want to convert those that you can. So think of things you can do just to pause the meeting and ask. Um, it could be a clarifying question, it could be um anything really to just re-establish alignment. It could it so it could be as simple as have I missed something? I'm it seems to be I'm not quite delivering what you're looking for. Did I miss something somewhere? Is there something else I need to know, or have I misunderstood? If there is a misunderstanding, own it yourself. They may not have told you something, it doesn't really matter if you you know you if you step up and own the situation, then you can deal with it, and you're not blaming them. Weak people blame, strong people just take responsibility and then sort it out. So you want to be doing that. Okay, so that is it for this particular podcast. Now, just to very quickly recap, so what I spoke about were the mistakes, first of all, of absolutely listening, but also listening to how things are being said, that is really important, and definitely overlooking body language is a big mistake because body language is often subconscious and it gives you a lot of information, and this is why face-to-face meetings are really important. Video meetings is a second, but I much prefer face-to-face. You can get some information from straight telephone calls where it's voice only if you listen to how the the kind of intonation that's being used, but it it gets harder. So if you're in a room with someone, you can really pick it up. So be aware of the um the positive sign. So remember if the body is moving towards you, the mind usually is two. Be aware of the red flags. So if you get one red flag, that doesn't necessarily mean it's a no, although it may mean that you need to think about qualifying or reconfirming something. But if you get a number of these cues that I've outlined, that is definitely a sign that you need to pay attention. You probably need to take some action to get this conversation back on track, get this client aligned so that you have a good chance of closing the deal. Be aware of your own body language. Remember, you want to be open, you want to be approachable, you want to be confident but not arrogant and not overbearing because that will that's counterproductive. And remember to use pauses just to give you some control, it slows things down. Somebody who pauses and is thoughtful, if you're the client, you will think, whether it's true or not, but you're likely to think that they are giving some thought to what you're trying to achieve and just running through their head what the best options are for you. And that's a really nice thing to come across to a client. And um, then as I've said, find a way, just work on ways, come up with some ideas on how to just stop the meeting and kind of recalibrate, get the person back on track. So I hope you found that useful. Please remember to like and subscribe, tell all your friends, do have a look at the course. As I've said, there's a lot more to this. So there's things like disc profiling, which I haven't really even touched on in this, but that gives you a huge amount of information as well and um how to approach people. There is more of this stuff, there's lots and lots in the course. You get to um try out the first module. I'm not sure there's so much in there, but again, with the course, there is 12 months guarantee. So if you buy the course and you apply everything and just keep notes of what you're doing so that I can check. But if you do everything and it still doesn't work for you after 12 months, I will refund that course fee to you. So I'm taking the risk. All I ask is that you do the work and you just have something that I can check with you to show that you have done the work. That's all I ask. Uh, but my role here with these podcasts and with the course is to help you to be successful. And um there are reasons why I charge for the course, I'm not gonna go into those here, uh, but there are very good reasons for doing that too. Okay, thank you for that, and um, have a great day. Bye for now.