How to have effective conversations

Successful business interactions depend on meaningful conversations where genuine listening takes precedence over self-promotion, creating deeper connections and revealing valuable information.

• Talking excessively about yourself is the biggest conversation mistake
• Good listeners gather crucial information that helps qualify prospects
• Open-ended questions create space for people to share meaningful information
• Simple conversation starters like "What brought you here?" work better than "What do you do?"
• Meeting clients off-site often encourages more open conversation
• Body language naturally communicates interest or disinterest
• Taking notes demonstrates you value what someone is saying
• Comfortable silence is powerful—not every moment needs to be filled with talking
• Empathetic questions strengthen rapport and deepen connections
• Light humor works, but avoid sarcasm or criticizing others

If you found this podcast useful, please like and subscribe, and check out our website for more resources to help improve your business conversations.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Why Conversations Matter in Business
• 1:40 The Biggest Mistake: Talking About Yourself
• 4:25 Effective Listening in Sales Conversations
• 6:45 Simple Conversation Starters That Work
• 10:52 Body Language and Setting Awareness
• 15:37 Using Empathy and Silence Effectively

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:12

So conversations are at the heart of every successful interaction that we have and, in fact, every unsuccessful interaction that we have, I would argue, as well to a greater or less degree, and in a business sense. That's everything from networking to talking to clients to leading teams. So what do you think are the most underestimated skills when it comes to starting and maintaining meaningful conversations? Now, I thought I would talk about this because to me, it's something that's very important. It's something that I see people not do well quite often. So that's the reason for doing this podcast, but before I jump into it, I just want to remind you to like and subscribe to this podcast if you find what I'm sharing useful, and perhaps take a look at the website as well and see what other resources are available for you. So the key thing I really want to talk about is that experience where you meet somebody for the first time, and it might be at a networking event, it could be in a business situation or even a social situation and you want to initiate a conversation with them. How do you go about it? What's the best way to go about it that allows you to build rapport, have them warm to you, maybe like you, what's the best way to go about it? And, equally, what are the mistakes that a lot of people make? So the big mistake as far as I'm concerned and please feel free to comment, to write to me if you have a different opinion that's fine. But the big one for me is that they talk about themselves. And that's fine to a point, because we all need to talk about ourselves to some extent. And it's actually a little bit weird if you have a conversation with someone for a long time and you don't share anything about yourself. That can be seen as a bit weird, but, on the other hand, the mistake that I see made often is that that's all some people do. That can be seen as a bit weird, but, on the other hand, the mistake that I see made often is that that's all some people do. That's all they do. It's talk about themselves, even when the other person has chosen to share something, and maybe it's something that's quite important to them. And I've seen people just talk across that person to immediately come in with one of their own stories and in that moment, make that whole conversation about them and they never actually get back to the person. They're talking to the person who had started to share something that could be really important. So that, in my opinion, is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

Speaker 1: 2:57

Certainly, from a sales perspective, the thing you really want to do if you are the salesperson, is to have your client opening up to you, to be sharing information with you, because the more that they share, the more that you listen, the more information you get, and as you listen, you'll, first of all, be able to qualify them really effectively. You'll know whether or not your solution, whatever that might be, is a good fit for them or not. And that's really important because it tells you whether to stay with them or to walk away, and that's a really important choice that many salespeople struggle with. And, of course, the other reason to listen is it gives gives you those little insights, those edges that allow you to tailor your solution so that it does exactly what that particular prospect is trying to achieve, and you're not simply trying to shoehorn them into whatever it is you've got. So, and listening is so important, and the way we listen is to get our client to talk, and the way we get our client or whoever else it is we're talking to, the way we get them to talk is to ask them questions about themselves.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Now I'll be clear this isn't an interrogation. You're not shining a light in their face and bombarding them with questions, but you are having a natural conversation that flows and you really want them to feel that you're interested in them, because hopefully you are. So that won't be. There'll be no pretense there. You're genuinely interested in what they are saying and they feel genuinely that they are being heard. And this is one of the things that, in my opinion, again, is one of the most important things you can do with anybody is to have them feel that they've been heard by you. And you know this really isn't difficult stuff, but I see a lot of people making that mistake of thinking they have to keep talking about themselves. So I'm going to go through just a few things, just tips, I suppose, to help you if you do struggle in that area or if you are fine with it. Maybe these are just good reminders or it might give you another angle.

Speaker 1: 5:23

So the very first thing to do is just smile and keep a relaxed body posture so that people feel that you're approachable. Obviously, you know they want to feel that you're friendly towards them. Let's put it that way. I could go in the other direction of that, but I think you know what I'm talking about. And the other thing is, as I've said, to show genuine interest in them. We all love to be seen, we all love to be heard, we all like to feel that other people are interested in us. And, conversely, if you cut across them, if you stop them from talking, if you make them feel unimportant, if you make them feel that you're not interested or you only want to talk about yourself, then that's a really good way of turning people off. And remember, not everyone will make it obvious to you that they just want to get away, that they don't want to really have anything to do with you. A lot of people are very good at hiding that while they're face to face with you. And this is where you can go away from a conversation feeling that it went very well because you've been talking about yourself. So you feel good about yourself, and then this person completely ghosts you and you never hear from them again. So be friendly, be open and be genuinely interested in what that person has to say. Be open and be genuinely interested in what that person has to say and then have a few very simple starter questions. So these are just questions that you can have ready to go at any point.

Speaker 1: 6:55

If it's a networking event, it could be something along the lines of this is a great event. What brought you here? It could be that you noticed they're reading something. Perhaps use something like I notice you're reading. Whatever that title might be, how are you finding it? You could compliment them on something it might be their clothing, if that's appropriate, or whatever it might be but keep it very simple and keep it open.

Speaker 1: 7:20

So if you're not familiar with open and closed questions, open questions are the who, what, when, where, how, possibly why, but why is a little one of those questions to avoid, if you can, because when you ask a why question, like why did you take that route, there is an element of criticism when you use the why expression. So there's plenty of others, um, so who went? Who, what, um, how, where? Those kind of questions are great because they're open. I was pausing because I was thinking I was listening to what I was saying. Um, closed questions, conversely, are questions that can be answered with a yes or a no. Now they definitely have a place in the whole sales cycle, particularly when you're closing a deal down.

Speaker 1: 8:13

But when you're starting a conversation, you make it really hard work for yourself if you just ask closed questions. So if we go back to our networking event, a closed question could be do you like it here? And you've got a yes or a no and then you've got to think of the next question. So you do make it half yourself, whereas if you ask the question of how you're finding the event, you've left it open. They can either like it or not like it or whatever, but they tend in that answer you'll have clues and invitations, if you like, of what to say next. Certain words will come out and then you can ask oh, that's interesting, what is it about the event you're really enjoying or you're finding interesting or you're absolutely hating, whatever it might be, but you listen to their answer and then you use that answer to drive the next question. So they're basically doing half of the work for you. So do ask open questions, open-ended questions.

Speaker 1: 9:18

When I used to like networking, just to share, because a lot of people ask, well, what do you do? And all this sort of stuff this is business networking I would just say something like what's the best thing that's happened to you today, something like that Look, it's a little bit corny, but it's unusual in those events. And again, it creates that space for the person to say something, and they may also be getting to the point where they're really tired of being asked what they do. You know, maybe you're the fifth person to come up to them. You know that kind of thing. So if you can come up with something a little bit different that makes you stand out and you might have a much more useful conversation as a result.

Speaker 1: 10:01

The next thing is to be a good listener. So make eye contact, nod and think about what they're saying, respond thoughtfully, even if there's a little bit of a pause while you're just considering what they just said. Again, if you put yourself in their position, how do you feel you're being heard when you're speaking to somebody who does consider what you've said for a moment before responding, as opposed to somebody who just dives straight in almost before you've finished uttering the last word? You know, with that latter person it feels a bit like they're not listening. They're just pounding you with questions. And in the end, to what purpose are the questions? Do they have to have conversations with a certain number of people and they're just trying to rattle through them as fast as possible. What's motivating them. So have a think about that and how that works and do share about yourself.

Speaker 1: 10:58

As I've said, you don't want to talk to them about themselves completely because that can actually, as I've said, can come across as a bit weird. So if the conversation should lull, bring in something relevant. It could be. I've always been curious about whatever their topic is, or recently I've been trying to learn more about it, or maybe you can share something, maybe you do know something or you could say. Recently I read that this was going on. Whatever it might be, but bring something in and something along those lines is really good because it demonstrates a level of common interest and might serve to open up the conversation even further.

Speaker 1: 11:42

Use humor and lightheartedness. Now, I would put a word of caution in there. I mean, I personally like humor. I use humor. I tend to be one of those people who put a joke in. I come across as quite bubbly at times, although I don't feel that inside a lot of the time, but it's just how I am in public. But you have to be wary of it, because not everybody has the same sense of humor, people may not be in the mood for it. So, although putting in a humorous remark can be useful, I would do it sparingly and definitely don't use sarcasm, don't use anything offensive. And I would also say don't criticize other people, because we know what it's like If we hear a person criticizing somebody else. If we're having a conversation with them, they're criticizing somebody else. Part of in the back of our mind or possibly in the front of our mind, we'll be thinking well, if they're saying that about this person when they're not there or not here, what are they going to say about me? So just be sensitive to that. So humor is good, but I'd keep it very light, very gentle and very, very, very neutral.

Speaker 1: 13:01

Just be aware of your setting as well. So if you're in their office, you can, and in fact one that I used to use. It tended to be that awkward period where they collected you from reception and you're walking up to where the meeting is going to be, and sometimes that can be quite a long walk depending on where you are. So I would use questions like how long have you been with the company, that kind of thing, just really broad, generic kind of questions. And if you can't come up with any, just Google, do a chat, gpt or something like that, and you'll get a list of questions that you can throw in there. And I used to find it helpful to learn about three.

Speaker 1: 13:44

I used to when I started out, because I'm not a natural conversationalist, that's not really what floats my boat. So I would just and this was unfortunately pre-Google and all that kind of thing so I would just make up some questions and I'd write them down, I'd have them with me in my notebook, the stuff I'd have with me in the car, and either I would take them in with me or I'd have them in the car at least. And I always like to get to places a few minutes early so I can just run through my questions, remember what the names are, that kind of thing. So be aware of where you are. If it's a more casual setting, then you can be a little bit more open about the conversation. More importantly, they might be more open. So I like to go to cafes off-site but to get things going, if you've suggested that, to cafes off-site but to get things going if they've, if you've suggested that we meet off-site somewhere and can they suggest anywhere. Often people have their little favorite cafe. You can ask you know what's your favorite thing about this cafe, just to get the thing rolling, just to break the ice a little bit. If you're not, if you don't really know them, but if you can get a meeting, if it's client meeting and it's appropriate to do it off site, I always recommend it because people tend to be, I find, a little bit more open, especially when there aren't colleagues around who might overhear what they say. So just be aware of the setting and just adapt your approach appropriately.

Speaker 1: 15:20

Now there's also a bit of body language will come in here. Now. Body language is one of those things that you can dive into in a lot of detail. I've looked into some of it. There is a lot to remember, although if you just again do a little bit at a time, you can get quite good. But frankly, we are pretty much wired with a very good way. We automatically read body language. We can actually pick up quite a lot without any kind of formal training. So if someone seems distracted or not interested, you generally pick that up. You'll get a vibe. There'll be a lack of eye contact. They won't engage, particularly they might be looking around. So all those kind of things. You've got a choice in how you handle that.

Speaker 1: 16:07

What I prefer to do is I like to ask them a question. It's not to pin them down or anything, but just to re-engage them. And if I've just been explaining something I might come back with, do you feel that this is relevant to what you're doing, which I recognize is a closed question? But it would give me a yes or a no that I can then bounce off. So if it's a yes, what is it about it? If it's a no, okay, what is it? That doesn't work for you. So you can then lead back. So, as I've said, closed questions have their place, but certainly to open a conversation, you want to be running with open questions as far as possible.

Speaker 1: 16:50

And another great thing is just empathy. Now, you might be naturally like that. You might naturally be able to put yourself in other people's shoes. Not everybody can. So if you're one of the people who struggle a little bit with talking to human beings, that's fine. So you might need another set of questions. So you know, the kind of thing here is, if it's something that is sensitive, perhaps you could ask a question like this. So that sounds really interesting. How did that feel for you? Or I can imagine that was a big challenge. How did you handle it? That kind of thing, you recognize this is a big deal. And then a follow up a second part of the question to expand. Allow them to expand more on that aspect of the conversation.

Speaker 1: 17:51

Silence is great. Some people are really uncomfortable with silence. They feel that they have to be talking the whole time or there needs to be a noise the whole time. So silence is good, and it might be that you need to think Again. I like to write things down, so I might write a list of key points that they are raising and again, I think this is important because it demonstrates that you're listening to them. It demonstrates that you feel that what they are saying to you has value because you're writing it down.

Speaker 1: 18:22

So the example I like to use is if you're in a restaurant and you're giving an order to the serving staff, how do you feel about the person who's writing everything down versus how do you feel about the person who just listens and then walks straight off to the kitchen?

Speaker 1: 18:40

What is your level of confidence that, first of all, you've been heard and, secondly, you'll get what you ordered. So these are good reasons for using just a notepad as a tool to help build that rapport, build trust, let that person that you're talking to feel of importance. So that covers what I wanted to talk about in this particular podcast. I hope you found that useful. Obviously, conversation is really important being able to have a conversation with someone effectively and unfortunately, not everybody can do it naturally. And there's nothing wrong with that, it's just the way we happen to be. But if you're not somebody who finds making conversation something that comes natural to you, then hopefully there are some tips in here that you can apply and hopefully they'll make a positive difference to your business. Ok, so thanks again for your time and I will speak to you in the next podcast. Bye for now.